So, September 21st saw Paul's Dirty Enduro...a 100 kilometre
Mountain Bike Race (There are also shorter options of 35km and 65km).
Paul's is a Mountain Bike Race held in memory of Paul, a local Mountain Bike enthusiast, to raise money
for Mental Health (actually the origin is quite a story...google it to get the
I was registered for the race, but of course, until I heal,
recover, and can put my big boy pants on again I am not able to ride.
However, I had talked quite a crew to join me on this sufferage.
Why sufferage? Paul's is one of the toughest races of the year.
Part of it is the distance...but most of it is the location. Held
in Ganaraska forest...the combination of hills and sand (extreme sand!!) make
the course especially gruelling! Throw in an overabundance of poison ivy,
and the fact that September weather can be challenging (foreshadowing
anyone???), and you are in for a story from any racer who makes the attempt.
Anyways, as I had mentioned, my injury kept me from
attending...however Jaimie and HydroPaul headed up mid day on the 20th to set
up camp and avoid traffic (these guys is smart!...Mooore foreshadowing???).
Anyways...the rest of the crew...Fig, EnglishJim, Giant piled into
NewfieSteve's truck...but not until about 9pm. Apparently Steve had to
work late (to facilitate buying a new home, support two families in Rawanda,
and keep us all from believing he is a Newfie). So they didn't get there
until about midnight...so not only did they have to set up camp in the
dark...but....hold on....it had also started raining.
Sooo...here is where the foreshadowing thing plays out...the
race starts at 8am...it's still raining (it rained ALL day). What happens
when rain, sand, and dirt mix??? The worst kind of gummy, mucky, sticky,
grindy, grindy, grindy mixture of energy sucking, momentum stopping, pivot and
seal eating, brake pad burning goo!! Seriously!! Here is how it
Sooo, after a 3 hour midnight drive, camping in the rain, 5
kilometres into the race EnglishJim slides on a gooey descent, goes over the
bars, smokes a tree and destroys his brakes (broke the master cylinder)...he is
done...minutes into the race. Beer time...but still, Mr. Jim was not too
I'm thinkin he kinda looked like these guys...
Sorry...Jim likes the cat pics...
At the 40 km mark, and 4 hours later (the conditions made progress
brutally slow), Fig and NewfieSteve had to to bail...with no brakes. This
is how Steve's brake pads looked post race.
Seriously...worn right to the metal...
These are the brake pads of the fella who won the race.
Very similar to Steve's...again worn through the metal backing...
His brakes failed at the 50 km mark, so he used his shoe on
his back wheel for the remainder of the race to slow himself down...this is his
Many riders DNF'd due to mechanicals caused by conditions.
Most who soldiered on were pulled at the 75km mark due to the time
(including Jaimie, HydroPaul, and Giant). There were 47 riders in the
100km race...6 completed and finished it. Huge Kudo's to all that
Wonder how the boys will feel about doing it next year??
As far as an update on my recovery...I had the packing
removed this week, and wala!! It did not need to be repacked!! The
infection is almost completely gone, the muscle tear and soft tissue damage is
healing...which is all good news, but still a ways to go. Also, I still
have a quarter sized hole in the skin and flesh of my leg that needs to heal
up. I do have pics but they are gross (imagine a deep gunshot
wound...that is what it looks like), so not a good idea to post them.
I am hoping to begin to get some minimum activity (light
work on the trainer...weight work outs??) by next week...then gradually ramp it
up. I just cannot push it too hard, or do anything that would have any
possibility of falling on it. That would completely undo all of the
benefit that rest has provided. And the rest and inactivity is darn near
painful in itself, so I don't want to have to extend it to any longer than I
The Fall Epic8 Hour MTB race is this Saturday (Sept
28th)...and the whole crew is headed up to participate. There is a bit of
a catch though. This is the third race in a series of three (Spring
Epic8, Summer Epic8, and Fall). Team DaNoofie N DaNative (Steve and me)
are currently in second in the series in the two man team category after the
first two races...so we have a chance depending on how we do in the Fall8.
I, of course, cannot ride...and we can't substitute...I will be there to
help out and support, however Steve is bravely going to solo the race as our
team. Should be worthy of a good story!! Steve's chance to be the
Actually this is my favourite superhero pic...
OK...back on track, and on a final note, it is EnglishJim's birthday this weekend (Shhhh
don't tell him...I don't think he knows!). I think he is like, 85 or
something. He still thinks, he looks like this though...
I am not sure what to get him...although I think this would
be his dream girl...
Sorry Jim...what are friends for...
Ah well...that is enough for now...we will see how this weekend goes...
So as far as mountain biking goes, it has been almost 3
entire weeks of me doing a whole lot of nothing...which is great for bulking up
my mid section...and healing my wound...but mentally driving me batty...
As far as mountain biking goes I did manage to volunteer at
the race I was scheduled to race in this last weekend (Sept 15th)...Short Hill's
Cycling Club's Garden City Classic.
I manned the registration desk, then
worked with the timing tent (I operated the bull horn to call out racers plate
numbers as they crossed the line as a back-up to the timing system). See...this is me in the background with the bullhorn...
Regarding the race course itself, I was told by racers that
it was a lot of tight twisty single track...which many mtb'ers love...but not
me so much. Give me roots, rocks, hills, and at least 50kms in distance
and I am in my element. However, tight, twisty stuff just slows me down...so
I need practise at this stuff, once I can get on a bike again.
Regarding the organisation of the race, it went without a
noticeable hitch...it was very well run...especially considering this was an
inaugural event...it looked to be great fun, cool prizes, and food.
The start line...
Kudo's should go out to the SHCC, and especially to the race director
TheDumbOpinion (his nickname is Jeff) for a great job. However, TDO
looked on the edge of a breakdown the whole time...I don't think he cracked
nary a smile the whole day...kinda reminded me of this guy...
...so if you see TDO, ask him to smile...cuz he deserves it.
Anyways, CptSydor, and his significant other VVagabond (who coined
the term 'significant other' anyways...what is it really?? Do people have
insignificant others???) also volunteered at the race. VVagabond worked the
reg desk, and timing tent with me, and CptSydor swept.
Actually CptSydor, and VVagabond raced in a 6 hour race in
Woodstock the day before (that would be Sept 14), and they each won!!
hats off to them (another colloquial saying?). If you want to be great,
hang out with those that are...so that's what I was doing.
Unfortunately I wont be able to do so this weekend. My
injury will be keeping me from attending Paul's Dirty Enduro...the race I was
scheduled to be in. The 3 hour drive up, and the two nights of tenting
are not conducive to my injury healing. EnglishJim, Giant,
NewfieSteve,Fig, Jaimie, and HydroPaul will all be there, so I wish them
well...and look forward to the race reports and stories when they get back.
I feel somewhat sorry for the guys that get stuck seeing EnglishJim changing in public...
As far as an injury update...I have had the wound repacked
twice this week...which hurts a little more each time as it heals. The
torn muscle is repairing...all is going to schedule...which is still too slow
for my liking. If I could go back in time...
Anyways I just need to get back at it, being active...before I weigh 250 lbs, and get
so out of shape I make Fig look fast. Actually I have been doing fairly well watching my nutrition intake...
I am getting in upper body workouts...just to keep the torso toned...and to be able to do something other than warm the couch (and day job). Besides...Lois prefers that I look like a man...not a 12 year old boy...so upper body work helps. However the MTB related muscles are stagnant, and are really going to need some work as soon as I am able. So looking forward to it.
Anyways enough whining...
That's all I got for now anyways, so until I have some Paul's Dirty Enduro stories to
So...just a brief update (no nothing to do with my
underwear), on my medical condition...and to answer a couple of questions people
had about the injury (see my last blog post).
"What is the vastus lateralis?" - What?? You
don't have Google?? Anyways, it is one of the quad muscles...it's the
"What exactly is a HUGE tear?" (Yes, this was
asked by an engineer) - In my case the tear is 16cm x 4.4cm x 6.3cm. (To
the person that asked the question...ask your spouse, I am sure she/he would
consider that enormous.)
"How would you not know you had a torn muscle?" -
According to Lois I am rather insensitive on occasion. According to the
doctors I am dangerously insensitive when it comes to recognizing
pain...and this has caused me medical problems in the past.
"What is the wing speed of the South African
Sparrow?" - What??? Get outta here!
Not really sure what that is all about...but EnglishJim likes the cat pics...
Anyways...as far as the update goes...when we last left our
glorious story, I was dealing with the huge hematoma as a result of the
untreated muscle tear. The doctors prescribed ice, rest, Tylenol, and to
consult with a physiotherapist to make sure the muscle heals with minimal
My hematoma didn't quite look like this...but close...
So rest I did (and am), ice I did (supposed to be for 15
minutes at a time but I applied for 40 minutes to an hour at a time attempting
to get the hematoma to shrink faster), and booked an appointment with a
So at the physiotherapist, a couple of days later...once his
jaw came up from the floor upon seeing the hematoma...he said that "Not
much we can do until we get that hematoma under control...and regardless of
what the doc said, it looks infected, it looks inflamed...and you have given
yourself serious frostbite from overicing, so now the skin is
Well...just great...but I soon had proof that he knew what
he was talking about. That night as I was talking to my ma on the phone,
I felt something wet running down my leg (no, although I am old, that is not
something I commonly experience)...and looked down to see a milky line running
down my shin (again, no not a normal thing)...
So, a mad dash to the bathroom, where I whipped my pants
down (stop it!!), just in time, as the hematoma that had just started leaking
burst open, and gushed its contents into the world. Yes it was infected,
yes it was inflamed, and the release of the pressure build up felt
amazing...other than the torn muscle, I had mobility in the leg again.
At least it wasn't quite like this...
This one is for EnglishJim....
This one makes no sense...I just think it's funny...
Anyways, to make a long epochal saga of a story (see what I
did there?) just a bit longer, the next day I called the doc to see where I should
go from here...was I ok to leave this as is...it was still draining some..etc.
Apparently, a hematoma breaking is a rather bad thing...so a rush to the
doc. The opening in my skin was about the size of a quarter (yeah, I
know, gross...sorry...I didn't make the story...I'm just telling
it...???)...(and why is Fig strangely excited by this???)
Coulda been worse...
Anyways, the doc and nurse stuffed the wound with medicated
gauze (yes...does not feel nice at all), in order for it to heal from the
inside out. And I will have to return regularly (twice per week) to have
this packing replaced (oh yay...). I am also, once again, on antibiotics.
However, now that this is taken care of, I can focus on repairing the
muscle (still a 4-6 wk process), then hopefully get back to training.
(Also, now that I am somewhat mobile I can properly get back to my day
job!). As it is, I am volunteering, working the registration desk at the
race I was scheduled to race in this weekend; Short Hills Cycling Club's
Garden City Classic.
Also...a couple of great new sufferlandria videos are out
this weekend!! I will tell you what makes them great on a future post,
and keep you up to date on my recovery...and whatever the hell else comes to
So, apparently my dreams of being recruited by Team BMC, or
US Postal, or Garmin Sharp, before the end of the racing season are over.
No, not because I am irrelephant...ok, maybe that's why, but
that's not what I was getting at. If you look back at my posting titled
Riot Down (July 6 I think), on June 25th I took a nasty crash resulting in this
At the time, I thought it was just a bruise...apparently it
was more than that...
After 2 months of riding and racing I woke up to a huge
swelling in the outside of the hip...it was literally like an angry red
cantaloupe sticking out of my hip, like I was wearing a pair of RCMP riding
I am sure you would have preferred I looked like these riding pants...
I wont put an actual pic up...no one wants to see a 50 year
old half naked man with an spicy red goitre extending from his hip, ready for a
carnivorous alien fetus to explode from it!
Anyways, a trip to the doctor had them first diagnose it as
soft tissue infection from repeated trauma (falling on it too many times...yes
I have crashed alot this year...), prescribed an antibiotic, but also scheduled
scans just to be sure.
So after the scans, and a return trip to the doctors office
(not only to review the scans, but because the antibiotics were ineffective),
they showed me the radiologists report..."The patient has a HUGE tear in
the right vastus lateralis that is bleeding into the hip pocket".
So, that explained the searing burn, and the large red swelling. A
consultation with an orthopedic surgeon has the treatment as rest, ice,
Tylenol, and 4 - 6 weeks off the bike. Means my race season is
done...damn!! But I need to let this heal properly...
On a happier note, my last ride was the inaugural Margaret
ride. CptSydor, VVagabond, EnglishJim, Fig, and Giant joined me for a
ride on the local trails...and ended up at my house for food and beverages.
My mother, Margaret Riot, is visiting from Saskatchewan, and it was her
75th birthday, so it ended up as a bit of a birthday party, as other friends
showed up as well.
Ma didn't get too out of hand for a change...
And she got a couple of unexpected presents...
And luckily for us all, EnglishJim did not get naked...
Fig got drunk and wanted to fight...
Actually as per usual...he was just confused...
Anyways...(sorry about all the cat pics...EnglishJim loves them!!), I sit here typing, with ice applied...ruing the
great upcoming races I will be missing. I kinda feel like this guy...
I guess I will have to get in some upper body workouts so I don't end up looking like this...
I will still likely attend the
races...either to volunteer, if possible, or to be the 'pit bitch' to help my